Crunch Time

 I made a gamble a couple months ago, and this week is when I find out if it paid off.

 Every piece of paper the shipyard has sent me has said "Do not give notice to your present employer. We will give you time to give notice when you receive an official job offer." However, the Staples hiring process moves at a snail's pace (Compared to the Navy's hiring process, which I would describe as glacial.). It takes longer than a couple weeks to transition accounts over to a new person, and it takes years to learn the computer program we use. A couple months back, my boss said a couple cryptic things about me leaving the company that made me think that she knew something was up. So, to preserve that relationship and reference, I told her that I would be leaving the company in 12 weeks.

 I think that was a good decision, even though that declaration was premature. At the time, there was still a medical exam, security clearance, and suitability assessment. I was very confident that they would not be a problem, but it was not certain that I had the job.

 Well, I passed the medical exam, and I sent in my security clearance paperwork. At my visit to the shipyard for my medical exam, I was given an estimated starting date of January 12th, which would be confirmed mid-December after my security clearance came back and until then, no news is good news.

 So, I've had no news since then. I guess I should consider that good, but I'm super nervous. I've told my landlord I'm leaving, I've quit my job, my fiancee's parents are expecting me to start... I have everything riding on this career, and waiting to get the official word is torture. The future I have envisioned for myself is dependant on news that I expect to receive any day now. Every step of the process has squeezed my patience a little more. From the application and resume vetting process, to the standardized test, to the interview, medical exam, security... and now we're here, 8 months after applying.

 Obviously, in my mind I'm already at the yard. Otherwise, I would not have started severing important ties here in New Jersey. Amanda is much more hesitant. When we started looking at apartments in New Hampshire, she first made me say that I would move back to New Hampshire regardless of whether or not I got the job.

 In my head, it has been a sure thing from the beginning, which I realized several months ago was incredibly arrogant of me. Thousands of people applied for this apprenticeship, and only 125 or so were accepted. I was accepted, but only with a lower level trade. The idea that I could get this close and not sign on as a permanent employee would be very, very depressing for all of us.

 It's not like there is another vetting step involved. I was given a preliminary job offer, and so it's just a matter of paperwork before I start. My fear is that I've somehow screwed up the security clearance forms, that somehow the e-forms did not submit. That would mean I forfeited this wonderful opportunity due to a single scatterbrained moment back in October. These are the things that wake me in the middle of the night.

 I'd like to think that if my security clearance was not received, I would have heard something about it by now. Also, I remember submitting it, and printing out my signature forms, and stuff like that. I'm certain I did it correctly, but when I expected to hear by now and I haven't, the anxiety that maybe something is wrong is back.

 I need to know this week. If they don't call me within a couple days, I will call them. I won't be able to sleep until I hear from them. And of course this is moments away from the holidays, so it's a roll of the dice if anyone will be there.

 No word yet on what will happen first - word from PNSY or all my hair falling out.