Adventures in federal employment

I applied for a civilian job with the US Navy in April of 2014. Shortly after that, I applied to an office job at Staples. I had three interviews with Staples with some delays in the middle. I gave my notice at Rite Aid, moved to New Jersey, started working there just after memorial day. The weekend I moved down, I received notice that my application had advanced to the next step, which was the wage grade aptitude something or other exam. It's a standardized scantron exam proctored by Naval workers at a community college.

In every piece of communication from the navy about the job included a line in bold font, "This is NOT a job offer - do not quit your present job and do not give any type of notice to your present employer. If you are selected for a position, you will be given time to provide a notice to your present employer before starting work at the shipyard." That is on every single e-mail and letter they send you. Clearly, they've had problems in the past with this sort of thing.

I was given my test date, several weeks later. I drove up from New Jersey to New Hampshire to take a test in Maine to see if I was qualified for a job at the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard which is not even in the same state as Portsmouth, NH. I was prepared. I looked up a practice exam and studied for that. It was kind of tough, that practice exam. It was called the Accuplacer, and it was focused on math and reading comprehension- two of my strong suits. Although some of the more complex algebra, I hadn't done since high school, and really struggled with.

Fortunately, the actual exam was absolutely NOTHING like the actual exam.

Before each section, we had a 10 minute warm-up which has sample questions, but were not scored. The first section was not about math or reading comprehension. It was fill in as many bubbles as you can in 10 minutes readysetgo!" No questions, just fill in bubbles. It was a list of numbers corresponding to spots on the answer sheet, all jumbled up, with a letter next to it. So the question book was "12. E, 79. A, 7. C, 52. B..." and you had to fill in as many as possible, you were not expected to complete the entire section, blank ones didn't count against you, but incorrect bubbles did.

After the practice section, it was time for the real one. I was already mumbling to myself, "This is so stupid..." I worked quickly, and presumably did pretty well. I noticed the fellow next to me filled in a few, and then spent the rest of the time staring at his answer sheet. After it was pencils down, the dude puts his hands behind his head and chuckles, "blank ones don't count against you." Like he just gamed the system by not answering the "questions."

And this is why they require the test.

So, that was in June, two months after I had applied. The tests would be sent to Florida for grading, then the scored would be sent to naval officials in August. Based on those scores, a round of interviews was to be held. Those who scored 90 or higher on the test were marked as "Best qualified" and interviewed first, then those who scored in the 80s, 70's, and 60's. Below that, you were no longer considered eligible.

In September, I received an e-mail saying that I had been scheduled for an interview, and they would be mailing me information. However, in the five months since I applied for the job, I had moved a couple times, used 5 different mailing addresses... I called them right away, but there was no way that packet was going to make it to me.

I called them on Friday, a nice woman told me my interview was scheduled for Monday morning. After a brief period of panic, I managed to get the day off from work, drove to new hampshire, and was able to make it to my interview in Maine no problem.

In the packet, there was a list of interview questions. Basically, you can just google the top 23 job interview questions, and you'd come up with the list. At the top of the page was the disclaimer "The questions listed are only a SAMPLE of questions that you 'could' be asked during the interview process."

I prepared for the spirit of the questions, rather than the exact wording. I wanted to be candid, comfortable, and confident. I didn't think they would be asking me those exact questions.

But this is the navy, and they do things by the book.

I faced a panel of 5, but only one was interviewing me. He held the same sheet that was e-mailed to me, and he read the questions verbatim.

Everything went well, but as I was shaking the panelists hands, I knocked a cup of water into someone's lap. I really hope they still offer me a job.

I will be notified of a job offer in four weeks with an expected start date of January or February - up to 10 months after I applied.

I've enjoyed the comedy of the snail's pace this process had taken, but I'm ready for it to be over. If I'm going to take the job, I want to take it now before I start getting really lazy at Staples. It's like senioritis, except in this case, I would actually be going back to school.