Wait!

 The hiring process for this apprenticeship has been a pattern of escalating anxiety and long waits culminating in a sigh of relief, followed by another long anxious wait.

 Even starting back when I wasn't sure I wanted the job, the wage grade aptitude test was on my mind. The practice test the website referred me to was called the Accuplacer, and it was not easy for me. It had a lot of algebra on it that I hadn't seen in more than a decade. So, I took some lessons at Khan Academy to prepare, but for the month leading up to the test I was kind of worried. While I was confident that I can score higher than most anyone on a general knowledge or IQ test, what if my score was not as high as the Navy wanted?

 Of course, I scored very high and was placed in the best most qualified category, and was one of the first people called in for interview. I think this little victory gave me a sense of security that was maybe a little unwarranted. It wasn't until I received a job offer for a lower level trade that I realized how lucky I was to get a congratulations letter at all.

 Because of that, the security clearance and the medical exam has caused me way more worry than it should. I know full well that I am a smart, strong, healthy individual with nothing in my past to be ashamed of. The forms are just intimidating, perhaps deliberately so, when they ask for so much detail about your past.

 The medical paperwork asks you to list every doctor you've ever seen with the reason for each visit knowing that failure to secure medical clearance will cost you this great job. I was nervous to put down so much as a headache for fear that it would count against me. The in-person exam was impressively thorough, as well. It involved tests of lung strength and capacity, EKG, urinalysis, blood tests, chest x-rays, vision screening, hearing screening, and a short exam by a navy doctor in uniform.

 I know I'm healthy and capable, but I'm not indestructible. Pericarditis, two sprained ankles, I wear glasses, and often have to ask Amanda to repeat herself. Hell, I was at an Electric Six concert a couple days before, and my ears were still ringing a bit. I was delighted to be told that my hearing is excellent, my eyes are sufficient, and the rest of my body is will do.

 That was seven weeks ago, and I've not heard a word from them. I assumed they were investigating my life going back 10 years, and judging that some members of my family made me a security risk. Both my parents have FBI files and a few arrests. Bob's kids, while I've barely met them, I'm sure are no strangers to the department of corrections. I've always been harmless and responsible! It's not fair to deny me this opportunity because of family members I hardly talk to!

 Even though they told me No News Is Good News, I called them the other day to check on the status of my security clearance. A nice woman named JoEllen explained to me "you already have interim security clearance, you're just waiting for HR to give you your start date. We don't even start the investigation until you start working here."

 What a relief! I have the job, I was worried over nothing. Then again, this means even more waiting in the future. After waiting for my application to be processed, waiting to take my test, waiting for the test results, waiting for my interview, waiting for my job offer, and waiting for my medical clearance, I still have to wait for my start date, wait for security clearance, wait a year before I could change trades... And all that is in addition to all the other waiting I'm doing. Waiting for my last day at Staples, waiting to move back to New Hampshire, waiting to get into our apartment, waiting for our wedding.

 It feels like my entire life is waiting right now, but I'm waiting for the right things. I'm waiting for progress to really build my life. That's what makes it so hard though. These are big changes for the improvement of my life. I've been using the phrase "I can't wait" a lot when talking about the future. Unfortunately, I have to. There's not way to get around it. But if waiting for these wonderful things to happen in my life is the hardest part of achieving them, then things are going pretty great.